Don’t Judge My Mommy

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Omg in the past 2 days I have seen so much mom on mom hate it is sickening.  First was a debate on whether or not toddlers should be on harnesses at theme parks and such and one woman hatefully asked if you put your child on a leash do you also crate them at home.  I was shocked that there are moms out there that could be so critical and so mean to other mothers.  There were lots more negative and hateful comments to that harness post and it really bothered me and put this post into motion.

Today while eating lunch I stumbled upon another Facebook post where moms were putting down other moms, this time the post simply asked do you think a Kindle Fire or Leapad is better for a toddler, and oh my the backlash, “are you going to buy her a Mercedes for her 16th birthday and condo for her 18th since she is so spoiled” are you kidding me, these people don’t even know this woman personally as it was a blogger who asked the question.  People were making comments about how you should play with your child more and provide educational toys instead of buying a 3-year-old a tablet, they don’t know how much this woman plays with her child or how many educational apps there are, or how many educational toys her kid already has.

Then I saw a woman complaining that her toddler rarely eats and the other day he only drank milk and had a few potato chips and she was looking for some advice, and oh I am sure you can imagine the flak she got for that….. how dare she give her child chips….. he should only be drinking water anyways.  What is this, prison?  She can give her kid milk if she wants to, or even juice which apparently is the devil according to some of these moms.  Her child is toddler, he is going to eat chips, and it is not going to kill him and it was her decision not anyone else’s.   After these moms jumped on her case she explained that they were on a road trip when he ate the chips, but you know what, she shouldn’t have had to explain herself, it is her child.

Again I was just floored, these mothers are so concerned about their kids but what kind of example are they showing their kids by displaying these negative and hurtful comments.  Sure your kid doesn’t wear a leash and sure your kid doesn’t get spoiled by tablets, and sure no juice and chips would ever touch your little angel’s mouth but what kind of example are they seeing personality wise from you being so quick to judge and hurt someone with such hateful comments?

My son wears a leash every now and then, because he is a runner.  Is he a bad undisciplined child? No.  Am I a “lazy” mother?  No.  I never understood that, people say that moms who use leashes are lazy, how does that make a mother lazy?  Am I lazy because I need to get my shopping done and cannot spend the next 2 hours chasing him through the aisles of Costco?  What about theme parks and busy malls, in those situations I would want my toddler on a leash even if he wasn’t a runner, to me it is safer, I don’t want him picked up by a stranger, lost in the sea of people, it can happen in an instant and you know what it does, it happens all the time.  You can judge me all you want, but I would much rather be safe and comfortable then not be just because some judgmental mom on the other side of a keyboard says I treat my kid like a dog.

These are the moms that piss me off, these are the moms I created my blog to get away from.  I want moms to be able to post on my Facebook or my blog and not be worried that some other mom is going to trash them, I will not stand for that on my blog.  Everyone is different, every mom is different, every child is different and therefore needs to be raised differently and it is not your place to tell another mom she treats her kid like a dog, or she is spoiling her daughter, or how dare she give her kid juice or a kids meal, or what a bad mom someone is because their kid watches TV….it’s not your kid, it’s not your place.

Being a mom is hard, motherhood does not go according to plan, the child you get may not mesh with the way you planned to raise him and it can be frustrating and all moms need support and help and to not be put down, looked down upon or judged for something as simple as ensuring their kids safety in a different way from your own, or because their kid had dino nuggets for dinner or because their kid ate all their veggies while your kid had a poptart, because they believe in vaccination, because they don’t believe in vaccinations, circumcisions, breast feeding, formula feeding, cloth diapers or the moms who buy whatever disposable diapers have the cutest character on them, it doesn’t matter, we are all moms doing the best we can for our own kid in our own way.  I have no idea why these other woman think they have the right to give any negative feedback on something someone does for their kid just because it is different from their own way..

Is their own way bad? No.
Does it mean it is the way I would do it? No.
Is it right for my kid?  No

So am I going to lash out at them for it?  No.

Stop putting other moms down, if you have nothing nice to say don’t say anything at all.  You have no right to make another mom feel like shit for not doing it your way because your way isn’t always right either.  So get off your high horse and join the rest of the moms down here where we are helpful and supportive not judgmental and rude.

No mom is an expert at being a mom, I sure as hell am not an expert and no one else is either so no one has any grounds to judge.

And as I write this my 3-year-old is playing Angry Birds while he drinks milk and eats Christmas tree shaped pretzels, so if you have something negative to say about that or this post bring it so I can weed out these trash talking moms who get some kind of sick rise out of hurting other moms, because I WILL make a safe place for all moms.

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  1. Wonderful post! After being a part of that leash debate yesterday I was quite thrown off by that Mom that wanted to judge others and then act like a child when she was told to stop being so rude. Moms should be there for each other not to knock each other down. I am part of the local multiples group and it is definitely a friendly and encouraging group to be in. It reminds me that there are positive mothers out there.

    1. Thanks!!! I was scrolling through that post yesterday and getting more and more mad, some of those ladies are just crazy and it deters some moms from asking for advice or support when they really need it and it shouldn’t be that way. It is good to know that there are groups out there that are supportive and not judgmental because sometimes a mom can only take but so much from other moms, it is getting rough out there lol

  2. Hi there! New visitor via Mom’s World! Just wanted to say AMEN AMEN AMEN!! I wish more parents/adults would be more like you. Everytime I give my child a soda, albeit a diet caffeine free soda or diet soda or just plain soda – I get the eerie eye. Sometimes people don’t understand the circumstances behind my decision to give my child a soda, and I never feel the need to explain myself, but it still makes me feel uncomfortable to get the stares from other parents who look at me as though I’m feeding my child a bottle of alcohol and/or poison. It’s insane. Nobody knows the story of my life but me!

    Anyways, I could go on but I just want to thank you for being SANE and LOGICAL!!!!! :)

    1. Thank you!!! I completely understand what you are saying and that is why I want to make this blog a safe place for all moms to ask whatever they want without being scared of the backlash. We are all moms just trying to do the best we can and the hurtful comments do nothing but makes us feel like crap. I used to hate the negative comments about formula feeding, but nobody knows me, my story, my son or why we formula fed and quite frankly it was none of their business but they made me feel like a horrible mom nonetheless and I want to make sure that all moms can feel comfortable here.

  3. You said it all!! I hate seeing all the question forums on facebook cause no matter what the question is they is so much hate towards that mom for whatever reason. I think moms should help other moms and give advice and not hate on other moms. Each mom is different in their own unique way which is also why each child is unique in his or her own way. What would the world be like if all moms raised their kids the same. I think it would be boring.

    Anywho, this is a personal pet peeve so I just stay away from those type of boards.

    1. Thanks!! It would be boring and not all kids can be raised the same way regardless of how other moms think is the right way. I stay away from those boards too but hope to make a safe board on my site soon :)

  4. Ugh, seriously, are these moms really THAT perfect?? I don’t understand the need to lash out at faceless strangers to make yourself feel better. It’s very hard to tell someone’s tone or intention in writing, so I think, as women, we do read a lot into everything! Thankfully, I have never received snarky comments, but honestly, I stay away from anything remotely controversial. Good for you for seeing all sides of the issue and realizing there are several ways to parent. I’ll be checking back! :)

    1. Yes there really are moms out there that THINK they are that perfect lol and they do attack, it’s crazy to witness it! Thanks for stopping by!!

  5. Found you on the Bloggymoms VIP role and I am so glad I did. Motherhood is hard. We need to stick together not eat each other alive. I have three teens and before I was a mom I made the statement my kids will never do that, yeah right. That was a very ignorant statement. I try to raise my children to be caring young adults, with a well-working moral compass. The way I do things may not be right for everyone, but it works for us, so respect it. Unless a mom is bringing physical or emotional pain on their child do no criticize.

  6. Amen! And not just to moms trashing other moms. Everyone needs to stop trashing each other! I am floored every time I see an encouraging post turn into a verbal bashing match in the comments. Let’s build each other up, people. No need to tear each other down!

    1. Yes, it gets soo bad sometimes. We all need to help each other not make people feel worse for asking for help or an opinion or even just stating what they feed their kid for lunch. There is way to much hate on the internet to begin with, the last people I expect it from are the people who setting examples for children :(

  7. THANK YOU!! I’m glad that SOMEONE’S had the heart to point out all the things you’ve pointed out, and with such poise! I love that you’ve given such specific examples…it really brings to heart how things have gotten. When I first started reading it, it brought to mind the mom who was kicked off the Metro bus because of her child’s dirty diaper… I’m SHOCKED at how being a mom is becoming such a competition!!!
    My son eats chips, plays Angry Birds (among other apps) on his new tablet that he got for Christmas, and enjoys a cup of soda per day, if he’s been good. He is 7. I personally don’t care what other’s say about my mothering habits… I have a 14 yr old son who is THE MOST well behaved teenager you COULD POSSIBLY meet. And I’m NOT saying this because I’m biased. If you met him on the street, you’d say he was kind, quiet and personable, he would NEVER cuss or back talk you, he will be honest too. He is softspoken, and sweet, and I love him. He’s also the OPPOSITE of my younger son, who is a Special Needs child, will quickly yell and scream and fuss. I am a mom to both, and my momming habits have not changed..
    I thank you for a ‘safe’ place for moms to share our thoughts, concerns and advice, as well as ask for some, without feeling the backlash of other’s complaints and lack of tact.

    Sandling All Day

    1. Thank you for your support!!! Moms come in all different shapes and sizes and so do our kids and we all have to do what is right for our particular child which might not be what other moms deem “right”. It is good to see so many moms agree with this post and maybe it is a step to ending this “mommy bullying”.

  8. I came across your blog post through Totsy. While I don’t think any blog post will reform mean moms, this is at least a good platform to draw the supportive moms together! Some of the best advice I got before becoming a mom was to “find your people.” This is just that, so thank you.

    My one piece of advice to other moms is to not engage mean moms in conversation. If you let the moment pass, maybe (just maybe) they’ll get clued in to their rude behavior. And if they don’t, at least you didn’t waste any energy on them.

    1. I totally agree, and I am glad to have a place where moms feel comfortable with no judgement and can get support when their kids refuses to eat anything but poptarts, instead of getting judged for giving their kids a poptart to begin with lol. Moms need help not hurt! I love your advice that is a very good way to hopefully silence these mommy bullies lol

  9. I think everything you said there is great. No one has any right to judge anyone else. I dont believe anyones way of raising their child is right or wrong, you have to do what you have to do and I know something I do with my 3 year old daughter may be strange but it gets the job done and no one has the right to question me, shes healthy and happy and thats all that matters.

    1. Absolutely!!! It takes all kinds!! Every kid is different and every mom knows how to deal with her own child and what works for them and you are right as long as they are happy and healthy your doing it right!!!

  10. Very well put. Being a mother is a full time job and it’s bad enough that we are judge by other non-mothers than to have a mom put someone else down. No mother is perfect and we all need support.

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